The Power of And

On Gun Violence

There was a school shooting last week in Perry, Iowa.

I’m ashamed to admit that this sentence (with a never ending rotation of different American town names) is numbingly familiar. A few stand out: Columbine, Sandy Hook, Parkland, Uvalde. But the smaller tragedies, the ones that roll in and out of the news cycle with little more than a “thoughts and prayers” moment of silence, have become so ordinary as to be forgettable. I feel that well known thump in my chest, an angry burst of dismay and fear and lament, say a prayer for the victims and their families, and then move on with my day.

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with all of us?

On Thursday, when the Perry, Iowa shooting started making the news, my reaction was predictable. I was upset, and more so because this happened in my home state in a community almost exactly the size of my small town. But I was able to set it aside as just another tragedy. Until this headline: Sixth Grader Killed and Five Others Injured in Iowa School Shooting.

Sixth Grade.

It hit me like a gut punch.

My reaction was immediate, visceral, and totally unexpected. I gagged, felt my whole body go hot, began to shake. I had to sit down because my vision was blurring and I was afraid I was going to fall. The tears came fast, both then and a few hours later when I completely lost it and screamed to a shocked audience of my husband and twenty-year-old son that: “This is insane! How can we let this keep happening again and again and again?”

In short, the Perry, Iowa shooting woke me up.

My reaction to that little phrase—sixth grade—is how I should react to every school shooting. The shock and outrage and horror that surged through me for that murdered child, “the sweetest boy, the one you want your kids to be friends with,” is the cocktail of galvanizing emotions that we all need to feel when a tragedy of this magnitude rocks one of our communities.

Yes, the Perry, Iowa shooting felt personal to me because my youngest son is in seventh grade, my nephew in sixth. Both boys are “the sweetest boys,” the kind you’d want your kids to befriend. I could just picture the two of them running terrified through the hallways of their small school in their small Iowa town, and it broke something in me. I have been saying for years that it’s just a matter of time before it happens in one of our close-knit, rural communities—gun violence doesn’t discriminate. And while I’m grateful for the letter our school sent out reminding us of the procedures they have in place (the locked doors and community resource officer and active shooter drills), it’s not enough. Time and time again these killers are our neighbors and friends, people who once attended (or still attend) the school that they so casually destroy. They don’t raise red flags slipping through the door at the beginning of the day. And time and time again we don’t do anything to stop them.

American classrooms have become war zones and we refuse to do anything about it.

I realize that the last thing the conversation about gun violence needs is another white woman crying about how the most recent school shooting felt like a “close call” for her and her loved ones. Yes, I know, I just did exactly that. But I wanted to plant this article in a personal story because I feel like it’s one way that I can reach the people I feel called to persuade: MOMS. If you’re reading this, and if you can relate to anything I’ve written so far, please keep going. We don’t have to stand by helplessly and wait in fear for the phone call that will change our lives forever: “Mom, there’s a shooter in my school…”

Let’s be clear: it is the guns. Yes, there are absolutely other factors involved (the breakdown of the nuclear family, bullying, a cultural desensitization to violence, untreated and/or undiagnosed mental illness, etc.), but comprehensive research analyzing decades of international data (from the National Collaborative for Gun Research, the Educational Fund to Stop Gun Violence, the Regional Gun Violence Consortium, the John Hopkins Center for Gun Violence Solutions, Everytown for Gun Safety, Moms Demand Action, and so very many more) have all concluded the same thing: this level of gun-related violence simply doesn’t exist in developed countries with commonsense gun laws in place. Period. Unless the US is a country uniquely comprised of a statistically anomalous and staggering number of homicidal maniacs, our gun violence problem is, not-so-shockingly, directly related to our gun-loving culture.

First, some sobering facts. (from Sandy Hook Promise)

1. Each day 12 children die from gun violence in America. Another 32 are shot and injured.

2. Guns are the leading cause of death among American children and teens. 1 out of 10 gun deaths are age 19 or younger.

3. An estimated 4.6 million American children live in a home where at least one gun is kept loaded and unlocked.  These improperly stored weapons have contributed to school shootings, suicides and the deaths of family members, including infants and toddlers.

4. Nearly half of all parents with a weapon in the home wrongly believe their children don’t know where a gun is stored.

5. In 2023, there were 346 school shootings, nearly one for every day of the year. (US News & World Report)

6. Gun violence and school shootings are a uniquely American epidemic. (multiple sources)

7. The US has the highest firearm homicide rate in the developed world. (multiple sources)

The stats are sobering, but instead of feeling disempowered, may they galvanize us to do something. Whether or not this first school shooting of 2024 impacted you or not, we need to remember that they are all our kids. And there is something we can do about it. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Now, some encouraging facts: (from Pew Research)

1. Six-in-ten U.S. adults say gun violence is a very big problem in the country today, up 9 percentage points from spring 2022.

2. A majority of Americans (61%) say it’s too easy to legally obtain guns in this country.

3. About six-in-ten adults (58%) favor stricter gun laws.

4. Majorities of U.S. adults in both partisan coalitions somewhat or strongly favor policies that would restrict gun access:

   1. preventing those with mental illnesses from purchasing guns (88% of Republicans and 89% of Democrats support this)

   2. increasing the minimum age for buying guns to 21 years old (69% of Republicans, 90% of Democrats)

   3. opposing allowing people to carry concealed firearms without a permit (60% of Republicans and 91% of Democrats)

5. Strong gun laws save lives. (Everytown for Gun Safety and multiple other sources)

6. If every state in the country had the gun death rates of the states with the best commonsense gun laws in place, we could save 298,000 lives in the next decade. (Everytown for Gun Safety)

Friends, a majority of people in this country believe that gun violence is out of control and want to do something about it. So instead of wringing our hands, it’s time to work together, to actually do something about the barbarity that is tearing our communities apart.

We are BETTER TOGETHER, and together we can make a difference.

So, what can we do?

Thoughts and prayers. By all means, pray for victims and their families. Pray for the communities affected, the people who perpetuate violence (who are often the victims of violence themselves), our country, our leaders, our teachers, our children. If you’re not the praying sort, send love and light their way. Hold them in your heart. That’s a great start. But don’t stop there. You can do this…

AND:

1. Have honest conversations with people you care about. Face to face, knee to knee, with your heart wide open to share and hear what they have to say, too. I’m convinced that nothing changes people’s hearts and minds like an honest dialogue with someone they love.

2. Don’t let people draw you into an either/or equation. The problem of gun violence requires both/and. Some will try to tell you that the problem isn’t guns, it’s mental health. This, my friends, is a false dichotomy. It’s both (and so much more) and we can address all the issues at the same time because we can do hard things. Solving this uniquely American problem is going to take a lot of effort on a lot of fronts. (For a thoughtful look at mental healthcare in Iowa, let me recommend Kali White Van Baale’s excellent Substack: 988: Mental Healthcare in Iowa. And for a careful analysis of the role of mental health in gun violence—and how we often get it very wrong—this piece by Amber Gustafson is excellent.)

3. Reach out to your representatives. Tell your state and federal representatives how you feel about school shootings and gun laws. You can click here to figure out who your elected officials are and how to contact them. You can also check out their NRA ratings by clicking here. A high NRA rating means they vote for pro-gun legislation and have likely received money from the NRA.

4. Get involved in advocacy groups like Moms Demand or Everytown for Gun Safety. Are they perfect? No. Is any group? Also no. But are they making a difference? Absolutely. Remember Moms Against Drunk Driving (MADD)? “Since 1980, MADD reports that they have helped to cut drunk driving deaths in half, saved around 350,000 lives, and helped more than 850,000 victims.” (American Addiction Centers) Talk about the power of moms.

5. Use your vote to elect politicians who believe in passing gun sense laws. Iowa friends, I’m looking at you. Did you know that on July 1, 2021 Iowa became a constitutional carry state allowing for both open and concealed carry without a permit by both residents and non-residents? In other words, anybody can carry a gun anywhere in Iowa without a permit and with zero training. (Except in the Iowa State Capital… Figure that one out.) And just last year the Iowa legislature loosened gun laws to allow guns on school grounds in personal vehicles without first having to unload and store their firearms. (So a loaded gun can legally be taken onto school property in a car.) These laws were passed even though a majority of Americans favor stricter gun laws, not looser ones. Straight ticket voting is dangerous and lazy. Know who you’re voting for—and what they will do once in office. And if you discover someone you voted for passed harmful legislation? Vote them out.

6. If you own guns, secure them safely: unloaded, locked, and separate from the bullets. Ensure your children do not have access to your gun safe.

7. Ask about the presence of unsecured firearms in the homes your children visit. Unintentional gun death happens four times more in the US than in other high income countries—and most of those deaths are preventable. Chances are, you already know someone who was injured or killed in a preventable firearm accident. I personally know of two. (Injury Epidemiology, October 2019)

8. Donate blood. For obvious reasons, but also because if (God forbid) this happens in your community, your local hospital can access the resources they need. “Gunshot victims are 5 times more likely to require a blood transfusion and receive 10 times more blood components than patients with traumatic injuries that are not gunshot wounds.” (The Lancet)

9. Have honest conversations with your kids. Don’t know how? Here are some tips: Talking to Children About Gun Violence.

10. Got anything to add? Share it in the comments.

If you’ve stuck with me this long, thank you. If you’re angry and want to send me hate mail and thinly veiled death threats, well, you’re proving my point, but I’ve been there before. Still, at the end of the day, I have to believe that we all want the same thing: for our kids to come home from school safely. To live in communities where they don’t have to fear a massacre at the local movie theater, football field, or grocery store. To live free.

Moms and dads and grandpas and grandmas and neighbors and friends with tears in your eyes at the thought of a child you love facing gun violence of any kind, can I encourage you to take even one of the steps above? Thoughts and prayers AND something. Anything. Seriously, anything. Alone we are quiet and grief-stricken and helpless. Together we are unstoppable, a force to be reckoned with. We do have the power to enact real change in our communities and beyond. I’ve said it a thousand times before and I will say it again and again and again:

Our children (ALL of our children) deserve this from us. Ahmir Jolliff certainly did, and I pray we can begin to take the necessary steps to prevent such a senseless tragedy from happening again.

Thanks for reading. xoxo - Nicole